The Life and Times of Rahul - 1

Hey guys! I’m Rahul. Yes baba, it is my real name. I’m a young, good looking, cute, straight-acting, straight-looking Indian gay guy. Nobody knows about my secret gay life. That is why I will tell you my “real” real name only after I have known you for at least 3 weeks or 3 blow jobs whichever is earlier. Actually make that 10 BJs. 3 BJs sometimes happens in a day no?

 

Why am I not telling you my real name? Arrey yaar, I have to take these precautions so that nobody comes to know I’m gay. You may be wondering why I’m declaring here that I am gay when I do not want anyone to find out? I have not told you my real name so you really do not know I’m gay. Simple! We gay boys in India are very clever that way.

 

We do a lot of things to hide our gay identity and yet manage to be the gayest of them all. How do we do that? You must be asking this I know. Have patience. I will tell you. That is why I am here for.

 

It is easy actually. Look at Facebook for example. Every gay guy worth his salty sweat has at least 1 additional profile apart from his “straight” profile. There lies a whole parallel gay world on Facebook with all the gay profiles that straight people can never see. The straight profile of a gay guy is meant only for his straight friends. You know the ones who like to fondle other guys only when they are drunk. Not the real gay guys obviously. Of course sometimes the straight profile also has gay friends but those are their “straight” profiles too so no one knows anyone is gay except for us gays. There are no gays in India you see? *wink wink*

 

Accha, so what else do we do to hide our gay identities? We all are straight-acting and straight-looking! That is our biggest Goli. Yes, even the straight guys do not know what straight-acting or looking is but we, the secretly gay guys, have mastered that art. I cannot really explain to you what it is as it is a very fine and delicate art. It cannot be explained in words. It can only be lived and experienced. We do it with such élan and finesse that the straight people cannot even begin to imagine it. We do so much straight-acting that even the mothers of other straight-acting gay guys like us. This is what makes us so popular with the ladies you see. Along with their straight sons when they are drunk.

 

Aur what do we do? There are a hundred different things yaar. If I tell you everything then our identities will be easily revealed na? OK, if you insist I will tell you a few more.

 

One more thing that we do is to look down on effeminate gay guys. Girlish guys. Yes, we do not tolerate effeminate guys. They bring a bad name to us gays by their effeminate behavior. They do not care for anything and always act like their real self. They do not pretend and do not do any straight-acting. They are always oh-so-open about everything. Very straight forward. How awful is that! That is why all of us straight-acting hidden gays look down on them. We make it a point to mention this on all our profiles in bold too.

 

Then there is our famous collective hatred for uncles. Who are the uncles you may ask. Arrey baba, any guy older than 30 is an uncle. Specially if he looks that old and has a mustache. These are guys like us only but they are most likely to be bisexuals who are married but don’t like having sex with their wives and mistresses. They like to have sex with us only. We do not like these guys unless they shower us with gifts. The gifts change the equation a little bit. Our tolerance level for them then changes. See, with gifts, they are showing us they are very good friends and of course we have to be more accommodating of our friends no?

 

So what more do the hidden, straight-acting, effeminate intolerant, uncle-hating gay guys do? Money-seekers! We absolutely hate them. These guys are the absolute worst of the lot. They are always clear that they are looking for money in exchange for sex. They make me wince by their honesty. We gay guys have lots of sex with a lot of people. Sometimes with uncles too but we never expect money from anyone. From uncles we just expect great weekends at expensive hotels or resorts, dinners at fine-dine places and of course a little bit of shopping. Even from other regular non-uncle gay guys we only expect them to pay the CCD bills. But money? NEVER! Those stupid money seekers make me sick by their direct and straightforward asking-for-money approach. Do they not have any morals at all?

 

Now you might be wondering that if we are such a great hidden society that no one knows about, how do we recognize each other? It is very easy yaaron. Gaydar! No no, I’m not talking about the website where we spend a lot of time. We have a very instinctive instinct that tells us who is a gay guy and who is not. This ability of ours is very uncanny. Just one look at someone and we know. Yes, that’s right.

 

This ability is how we know that 90% of all good looking Bollywood male celebs are gay. Just one look tells us. You have seen Salman Khan no? Yes yes, we *know* him. Then there is Shahrukh Khan. And Aamir Kan. And Saif Khan. And Ranveer Singh. And Ranbir Kapoor. And Shahid Kapoor. And Imran Khan. And believe it or not, even Imran Hashmi! Yes friends, we know all about them because of our Gaydar. It never fails. Sure sure these guys have girlfriends, wives, hidden female lovers and they keep on kissing stupid girls on and off screen. They do that because they are very good at being hidden and secret na. We are proud of this quality of ours.

 

Chalo Bhaiyon, now my time is up. Mayan told me to write a blog post as he does not get a lot of time these days so I thought I will tell you something very explosive. I’m sure you all must be reeling from all the sensational exposé about secret hidden Indian gay guys. Till you started reading my post you did not even know something like this existed and now you are stunned that we exist, na? I will come back with more about myself and our hidden society soon. Until then *mwah*!

Party Friend

‘Get over him already!’ shouted Sanjay. This was the 3^rd call from his best friend Amey whose boyfriend had just dumped him.

‘You were with him just for a month. I don’t even know the guy’s name!’ continued Sanjay. He was used to this routine. Amey had a knack for getting into a relationship and then promptly getting out of it. The reasons were always flimsy.

From ‘I thought he had a big one!’ to ‘He seemed very macho, how could I know he was a Nelly queen in bed, just like me?’ From ‘The positions he used would put Baba Ramdev to shame, it was very tiring for me’ to ‘How could I know his supply of Poppers wouldn’t last even a week?’

Normally it was Amey who dumped the guys but on the rare occasion that he got dumped, a lot of drama ensued like was happening now. In the beginning Sanjay would drop whatever he was doing to go and comfort his friend in need but now he knew better. He knew this phase of depression will not last for more than a day, after which Amey would be back on PlanetRomeo looking for a new boyfriend.

Sanjay had met Amey on the same website - PlanetRomeo - a year ago. While casual sex was rare for him, he had agreed to meet Amey immediately after being impressed by his simple and straight forward outlook in life.

‘Let’s just meet yaar, I’m horny and even if you don’t say it, I’m sure you are too’ were Amey’s first words when they spoke for the first time on the phone.

‘How are you so sure?’ asked Sanjay.

‘Well, aren’t you?’ pat came the reply as if he knew Sanjay hadn’t had sex for a while now.

‘Yes I am, but…’

‘So there! Come on over, I’m all alone, my folks are out’

That’s how they met and had sex. Later, when Sanjay was about to leave, Amey had simply asked ‘Do you want to be my boyfriend?’

‘What?’ Sanjay was obviously surprised. ‘Are you serious?’ he asked cautiously.

‘Of course I am. You are so cute and you are so good in bed!’ replied Amey. Sanjay couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

‘You are cute too. And you wear your heart on your sleeves. I like that in you. Tell you what, let’s be friends for now and see how it goes.’

That was a year ago. Now, a year later, after many failed attempts by Amey, they didn’t end up in a relationship but had become good friends.

Now, after being dumped by his latest boyfriend, Amey was crying on Sanjay’s shoulder. Not because his boyfriend had dumped him, but more because he didn’t get to dump the boyfriend instead.

Now, however, Sanjay knew how to handle the situation. To divert Amey’s mind he casually said ‘Let’s go to the party this Saturday. There’s a new venue so there might be new guys. What do you say?’ This instantly cheered Amey up.

Amey loved going to gay parties. This time it would be double the fun as Sanjay was always reluctant to go for these parties saying ‘I hate the ghettosization these gay parties are creating’ which he knew was a ridiculous reason as the parties were one of the better avenues for gay guys to interact with each other outside of the internet. The gay party scene had boomed after section 377 was read down. Where there used to be covert parties maybe once in 2 months, now there was a party every week, sometimes more than one in a week.

The next 2 days were spent in preparation for the party. While Amey went out and bought a new outfit, Sanjay spent his time trying to come up with excuses not to go to the party while knowing there was no escape against a very determined Amey.

‘What are you going to wear?’ asked Amey on the day of the party.

‘Jeans and T-shirt, what else?’

‘And you call yourself gay? At this rate you wouldn’t find anyone even to talk at the bar!’ scolded Amey. This reminded Sanjay of the countless times he had gone to a party with Amey and spent the entire time sitting at the bar nursing a drink while hoping he’d meet someone who was more interested in having a nice conversation rather than spending time on the dance floor trying to impress one and all.

Later in the evening, after making Sanjay wait until 11:30 Amey decided it was time to go to the party.

‘Only losers arrive before11:30’ he said knowingly.

As they made their way inside the venue, someone stamped on Sanjay’s foot causing a good amount of pain to shoot through. But before he could say anything the person had moved on as if nothing had happened.

‘He’s a retard’ said Amey who saw what happened.

‘Yeah, everyone who comes to these parties is a retard” added Sanjay in anger.

‘No, actually that guy is literally retarded. I have seen him at parties before. He just dances around aimlessly and keeps trying to talk with people. I don’t understand why they allow such people here in the first place!’ complained Amey.

Having paid their entry charge, they made their way inside and, as usual, within minutes, Amey disappeared on the dance floor with his other friends who were already there. Sanjay found himself at the corner of the bar once again.

From his vantage point Sanjay could see most of the people in the club. It was always the same scene he saw. Some guys were huddled in groups talking amongst themselves. Some were flitting about with a drink in hand, hugging a guy or 2 on their way. Some were loud, talking animatedly about how these parties have become so boring lately, yet attending each one of them. Some were completely lost on the dance floor dancing. Some were dancing with their dates ensuring they matched the dance moves according to the track being played.

Loud groans would erupt when a Bollywood number came on while those groaners would actually dance with more gusto. Someone drunk would inevitably drop their drink right in the middle of the dance floor while those around would shriek louder than a banshee.

The crowd was mixed too. There were good looking youngsters, who barely seemed out of their teens, there were macho guys in their twenties, hot looking studs in their thirties and a few older guys too, trying to match their steps with their younger dates.

There would be a couple of guys dancing shyly in one corner. These were obviously the newbies on their way to becoming gay party veterans soon enough. Some people were sitting on the tables arranged at one corner lost in conversation showing no apparent interest in the melee around them. The club was thick with smoke. It seemed like everyone was smoking even though it was not allowed. There were a couple of hot bartenders who were being kept busy by the constant barrage of guys asking for either a martini or vodka and sprite, which seemed to be the only drinks gay guys preferred everywhere.

Sanjay could see there were hardly any single guys. Those days when guys came to these parties to hook up seemed long gone. Now, with literally hundreds of online hook up websites, the parties were only a means of spending a good evening with friends and showing the small gay world how fabulous one was. Everyone was always with someone.

Sanjay could see Amey dancing with his buddies who always seem to be present for all the parties. Just then, as if following his sight, Amey gestured towards the group and pointed at Sanjay. Sanjay waved and everyone in the group waved back good-naturedly.

Right next to the group Sanjay noticed the guy who had stamped on his foot at the entrance. He seemed like a teenager and was dancing awkwardly all alone while no one around him paid any attention. Sanjay could see he was dressed awkwardly in a pink t-shirt and blue jeans. He seemed lost in his own world as if inside a cocoon. Every once in a while he would smile to himself and continued dancing.

Sanjay kept looking at him for a long time. Just as he was contemplating joining Amey on the dance floor, someone said ‘Hi’ to him and he jolted out of his thoughts. Standing right beside him was a good looking older guy.

‘Hi’ replied Sanjay with a smile.

‘I’m Mahesh’ said the guy extending his hand.

‘Hi Mahesh, I’m Sanjay’ He extended his own hand in return. The guy must have been in his late 40s but he had striking good looks. Sanjay was flattered that the guy had chosen him to start a conversation.

‘So you don’t like to dance?’ he asked.

‘Not really. It is easier to just sit and enjoy the view from here’

‘Yeah I do that too. It is fascinating to see how these guys never seem to get tired’ he added while looking at the dance floor.

‘So you also don’t like to shake a leg or two?’ enquired Sanjay

‘Not really. Let’s just say I’m not part of the scene. But your partner seems fully into it” said Mahesh pointing at Amey.

‘Oh, he’s just a friend’ added Sanjay hastily. Mahesh was smiling now. ‘But how do you know I’m with him?’

‘I saw you at the entrance; I couldn’t help but hear you guys. I’m sorry about your foot.’

‘Oh, it wasn’t your fault. Kids these days seem to be getting more and more rude and stupid’ Sanjay added crossly.

‘Oh I wouldn’t say that. Perhaps the kid didn’t realize what he did’ Mahesh reasoned.

‘Naaah, it wasn’t a soft brush, he must have realized what he did and yet he didn’t even say sorry’ added Sanjay perhaps with more force than required.

‘No, I mean, maybe he didn’t realize because of his condition…” Mahesh trailed off midsentence.

‘Oh you mean because he’s retarded’ fumed Sanjay without thinking. Mahesh flinched a little bit at this and this didn’t go unnoticed by Sanjay.

‘Are you with him?’ asked Sanjay.

‘Yes, his name is Saurabh. I’m his father’.

Sanjay was lost for words. How could he, who was always polite to everyone, do something so insensitive? He sat there speechless.

‘Don’t be so crushed, I’m used to it. I used to think that probably, of all places, this one would offer my son some kind of comfort, where he will not be discriminated against but I’m not so sure now” said Mahesh bitterly, almost to himself.

‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you were with him’ said Sanjay uncertainly.

‘Does that make it right?’ asked Mahesh. Sanjay didn’t have any answer to that. He was silent while Mahesh seemed to realize there will be no answer to that question.

‘Forget it. It is not your fault, it happens’ said Mahesh sadly. It seemed like he had experienced it a lot of times.

‘Thanks. I’m really very sorry’ said Sanjay sincerely. They sat in silence for a while.

‘So your son is gay and you escort him to gay parties?’ asked Sanjay after he couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

‘Yes, as you can see, he can’t really go on his own so I try to ensure he’s safe’ said Mahesh looking at his son who was still dancing all alone.

‘He’s lucky to have a good father like you’ said Sanjay with a smile.

Mahesh seemed to hesitate as if he wanted to refute that statement.

‘Actually no. He’s not that lucky. He’s a great kid, he looks very young but he’s 20 years old now. But he’s not lucky to have me as his father’ Mahesh replied as if reluctantly. He hesitated a bit as if weighing something before he continued.

‘Till last year he was like any other regular kid. He was good in his studies and he was very good in sports too. He used to play Badminton very well. But it all changed when he came out as gay to me and my wife about 2 years ago.’

He stopped. Sanjay looked at him questioningly waiting for the answer to his unasked question. Mahesh knew he had to finish the story he had started.

‘He showed great courage in coming out to us. I don’t think he expected that we will not accept it. But he was wrong. I didn’t accept it and almost threw him out of the house. I took him to doctors trying to cure him of this disease. What I didn’t know was that I was probably the one who needed treatment. I didn’t agree even after a few doctors and psychiatrists told me that sexual orientation of a person cannot be changed. I took him to the ones who said they could cure my son. They made him go through unspeakable horrors. They subjected him to electric shocks. I didn’t do anything to stop it. On the contrary I stopped him from even going to college thinking he might meet his gay friends there. I was relentless. I was blinded by my narrow mind. Here was a perfectly nice young boy who believed in his Dad and was honest to him but all he got in return for his faith and trust was hatred’. At this point Mahesh seemed overcome by emotions. Sanjay realized that this is probably the first time Mahesh was telling this story to anyone. He waited patiently for Mahesh to continue.

After composing himself a bit, Mahesh continued ‘Even after a year of this torture I didn’t stop. I was still hopeful that one day he will get tired and say “I’m no longer gay”. But that didn’t happen. I cannot imagine what must be going through his mind when one day he tried to commit suicide by jumping from the balcony. I never thought such a strong boy like him could take such an extreme step. That day I realized what a fool I was. I was such a bad parent who harmed his only son instead of protecting him. Fortunately, Saurabh’s attempt failed but he suffered serious head injuries which ultimately resulted in brain damage’.

By now, even Sanjay was choking with emotions as he tried to fight back his tears. He tried to imagine what Mahesh must be going through. Can someone ever get out of such a feeling of guilt?

He felt ashamed that he was so shallow who didn’t think twice before calling person retarded. How sometimes we can cause hurt to someone without even realizing it.

Silence descended between them again. Mahesh was looking at his son who seemed to be waving at his Dad now. Mahesh waved back with a sad smile. ‘You know what the worst part is? Despite what I did to him, he still loves me. In fact, in his suicide note, he wrote “No one should be held accountable for my death. My mom and dad have always given me everything that I ever wanted so they should not be held accountable for my actions”’ said Mahesh while continuing to look at Saurabh.

‘I don’t know how I could have been so foolish. How could I be such a monster? It is a shame that it took such a drastic step on his part to make me realize my stupidity. I don’t know what I would have done if he had died at that time. I’m thankful that he didn’t. I’m thankful that I’m at least getting a chance to make amends. I know what I did was unforgivable and that nothing I do will ever redeem me of my actions but I can at least make him comfortable and make his life as easy as I can’.

By now tears were trickling down Mahesh’s eyes freely. ‘I’m sorry. I normally do not share these kinds of private details with anyone but I have been holding it back for a long time now. The guilt has been killing me and I just needed to get it out’ He said guiltily trying to wipe off the tears.

Sanjay held Mahesh’s hand trying to comfort him in a small way. He knew he didn’t have to say anything.

Mahesh smiled at this silent gesture. He continued ‘The good thing now is that Saurabh’s condition is improving. Just after his injury, he couldn’t understand most of the things like an adult but as his injury heals he is regaining his senses. The Doctors say that he will never be like before but now his condition is much better than it was earlier. He talks a lot with me. One day just like that he asked me if he could go to a gay party. That was the first time he asked for something on his own after the injury. At first I thought it would not be a good idea. But when I saw how happy he was even at the thought, I decided I’ll never deny him anything. I bring him to most of these parties and even though most people ridicule him, the organizers are good people who help me take care of him when I’m here. It has had a good effect on him. He’s recovering very well now. His speech is still slurred when he talks but I’m hopeful that one day I will have my Saurabh back.”

Sanjay was overcome with emotions. Why can’t life be simple and uncomplicated? Why did such a nice kid have to suffer from such a fate? What was his fault? Being gay is not something that someone chooses to be and yet gay people have to unfairly suffer so much. If only people were more open-minded, Saurabh would be leading a normal life. If only everyone could see what was right without having to go through an ordeal like Mahesh had.

‘Would you like to meet him?’ asked Mahesh bringing Sanjay out of his reverie. Sanjay saw that Saurabh was heading towards them. He nodded yes.

‘Hey Saurabh, this is Sanjay’ said Mahesh cheerfully when Saurabh reached them.

‘Hi Sanjay’ greeted Saurabh with a big smile. There was an endearing quality about him. ‘Would you like to be my friend?’ he asked slowly but without any inhibitions. Sanjay couldn’t help but smile.

‘Yes, I would love to be your friend’ he replied.

‘That’s great. You can visit my home. My dad makes very good milkshake. You will love it’ he added with great excitement.

‘That sounds very good. I would love to come to your place and have that milkshake’ replied Sanjay.

‘How could I have ever thought this person is retarded?’ he asked himself now. Except for his slurred speech there was nothing abnormal about Saurabh.

Sanjay couldn’t help but smile at Saurabh’s childlike enthusiasm. He looked at Mahesh who was beaming with pride while saying a silent thanks to Sanjay even as he was silently pleading Sanjay to keep his promise to Saurabh.

‘Yes I would definitely be there tomorrow’ said Sanjay to Mahesh understanding how much it meant to him. After exchanging phone numbers, Mahesh informed Saurabh that it was time for them to leave.

‘Oh no Dad, why do I have to leave so early? Sanjay is not leaving’ complained Saurabh.

‘You know you get headaches if you stay up late. We will be here again next week’ said Mahesh to him affectionately.

‘OK, but next time I’ll leave only when Sanjay leaves!’ exclaimed Saurabh.

‘Sure” said Mahesh as they moved towards the entrance while waving bye to Sanjay.

Later that night after the party had ended and he was on his way home with Amey, Sanjay had a big smile on his face.

‘Got hooked up at the party?’ asked Amey.

‘Better than a hook up. I made a great new friend’.

Gay HO!

While the whole Section 377 debate rages all around in India, here are 2 very positive and affirmative messages from 2 very different quarters.

The first one is from Amul (Click Image to Enlarge)

This appeared in their Hits section, where they post cartoons on contemporary issues. Always positive. Thank you Amul! You indeed add a positive flavor in our lives.

The 2nd one is from Savita Bhabhi (Click Image to Enlarge)

I hope the ban on Savita Bhabhi is lifted soon and she's back to being her naughty self soon.

[Posted recently on the GB mailing list]

Blind Date

The arrival of internet brought with it a kind of a sexual revolution. Ok, that is an exaggeration. However, it is true to a large extent for Mukund.

Mukund is a business consultant working for a multinational company in Mumbai. At 28 years of age, he can safely consider himself very successful in his career. He is young, dynamic, enthusiastic and much focused in whatever he does. Most of his colleagues in office are either in awe of him or jealous. In short, Mukund's life was going great.

From his colleagues' point of view, the only thing missing from his life was a charming young girl. There was often conjecture behind his back about why he does not have girlfriend in his life. After all, he was young, good looking and very outgoing. The perfect eligible bachelor!

Some thought that he focused so much in his work that any kind of distraction is considered bad. Others thought he is probably waiting for the right kind of girl to come along. Many girls in office often dreamed of being that lucky one. He did flirt with them a lot. What was frustrating for them was that the harmless flirtations did not seem to be leading anywhere with any of them.

What no one in his office knew was that Mukund was gay. He had vibrant sex life. He had a great circle of gay friends and some love interests he met on frequently. He often met guys with whom he had sex and never met again.

Sometimes there would be a fling lasting weeks before it fizzled out. In all, his life was nearly perfect. He could not have asked for anything more. He was happy leading this double life that every gay man leads when he does not want to come out of the closet.

Such a happy life for him was possible due to the internet. Whenever he was horny, all he had to do was log on to one of the gay chat rooms and hook up with some one. There was always someone online. The internet had made things so easy. There was almost no risk. He did not have to cruise the toilets in the stations or the hit on men while traveling in the train.

The anonymity offered by the internet was exactly what he wanted. He never had to make his real identity visible to anyone online. He kept his two lives very separate. There was no overlap in the two worlds of his. No one in his personal life knew he was gay. No one in his gay life knew what his real name was or where he worked. He made sure never to reveal anything specific about his identity to anyone.

Like most gay men who are in the closet, he used an alias. His was Abhinav. That was the name of the boy he had his first crush on. He was in love with the name.

Life was going great and everything was perfect. Mukund could not have asked for anything more.

In all his online interactions with other gay men, he was very particular about certain things. He was very choosy. He never met anyone without seeing him on cam. He never met anyone older than 30. He never met anyone who was not good looking. He never met fat guys. He never met anyone who displayed any kind of weird tendencies. He knew that a young gay man like him who was good looking and had a gym-toned body was a prize catch in the shallow world of gay sex and he used that to his maximum advantage.

His daily routine was regular. He would go to the gym after office. He would come back home, take a quick shower and log on to the internet. Once online, it was either a chat room or a hookup website. He would interact with guys and if someone "clicked" with him, he would ask them to come to a cafe near his apartment.

At the appointed hour, he would go down to meet the guy. If the person turned out to be not as good as his cam show, Mukund always had some creative excuse ready to get himself out of spending more than 5 minutes with the guy.

If the person fit his idea of a good sex partner or potential lover, he would invite him to his home. After sex, he would classify the person into a category he had created for himself. Some were good only for a one-night stand. Some fit in the category he met again in the future.

With others, he would just send a text message saying he is going out of the city for a week because he knew he would be a forgotten name in a week’s time for the other guy too. For those guys who called even after a week he would invent a permanent transfer to another city or a visit from the parents. He was very creative because he knew the importance of keeping the good guys and losing the losers. The categories extended to his phone book too. Good Friends, Friends, Hot Lovers, Yet to meet and Losers! The losers' calls of course were never taken.

This had been going on for over 6 years now. Lately he was getting bored of his normal routine. He still found sex appealing but there was something missing. He did not know what had changed. He thought it might be just a phase and that it will pass away soon enough. He hoped that it would.

On Thursday he came back home after working out at the gym for 2 hours. After a quick shower, he logged on to the internet. He first started by reading his mail. Someone had sent him an invitation for a new gay dating website. He was always curious about new websites because it meant new guys. He clicked on the link. He made a quick search for profiles with pictures and the website came up with about 20 profiles from his area. The first two were just about ok but the third one caught his attention. He clicked on the profile and started reading the details.

The profile was simple enough with only a few lines saying that the guy was looking for someone to talk with and to have friendship. Mukund knew that most guys who wrote that in their profile did not really mean it. Most of them sought sex and were probably shy to admit it.

What interested Mukund the most was the picture on the profile. The guy in the picture was very beautiful. He had spotless skin, slightly long hair parted in the middle. He was lying on the bed with a very natural smile as if he was not aware that someone was taking his picture. The effect was very sensual. He seemed oblivious of his own attractiveness. The name of the guy was Nishant and surprisingly he had included his phone number in the profile saying that he cannot access the website so anyone interested should call instead. Mukund was not someone who wastes any time. He called right away.

The phone rang incessantly but there was no answer. Mukund was about to hang up when at last Nishant took the call.

‘Hello’ he said. The voice was boyish yet rich.

‘Hi, I’m Abhinav. I got your number from a dating website. Your profile seemed very interesting so I decided to call.’

‘Thank you for calling Abhinav. I am Nishant. Are you from Andheri too?’ he asked.

‘Yes. In fact from your description I guess we live very close to each other.’

They talked for another two-three minutes exchanging pleasantries. Mukund was surprised that the Nishant did not ask his age or his physical attributes and yet wanted to meet him.

‘Don't you want to know how I look before meeting up?’ asked Mukund.

‘That's ok. I love blind dates!’ replied Nishant with a smile.

Mukund was intrigued. He could not help wondering why a good-looking person like Nishant was not curious about how he looked before meeting.

‘Aren't you afraid I might be an ugly loser?’ he asked again.

‘Are you?’ asked Nishant.

‘Of course not!’ replied Mukund indignantly.

'Well then, I will take your word for it’ he said with a smile. ‘I'm not very particular about how you look. From our talk in the last 3 minutes, I feel you are quite intelligent. That is good enough for me.'

‘That settles it then, when do you want to meet?’ asked Mukund.

‘You can come over to my house right now if you want. My folks are out for the evening’ replied Nishant.

Mukund started to think about it. Here is a guy who has a very striking picture on his profile. Why is he so keen on meeting me so soon without knowing how I look or what I want? His mind started sending out warning signals. He had heard about so many cases of gay guys getting cheated and blackmailed. Could this guy be one of them? But the cheaters never ask someone to come to their homes. He sounded decent enough on the phone. What is the worst that could happen?

He somehow did not want to take any chance.

'Why not we meet somewhere outside for a cup of coffee and then head home later?' said Mukund.

'I am sorry but I cannot go out right now. However, if you do not want to come that is fine. I can understand. I have heard so many horror stories myself. Someone like me can certainly do without that kind of an experience.' said Nishant thoughtfully.

He said the words but could not hide the disappointment from his voice. Mukund felt slightly sorry for him. The beautiful face from the picture flashed before his eyes. He could not picture it looking sad.

‘What do you mean by a guy like you? Is there something you are not telling me?’ questioned Mukund.

‘To be very honest, yes’ said Nishant.

‘What is it? Is that picture on the profile not yours?’

‘No-no. That picture is mine. It is something else. If you do not mind, I will tell you when we meet.’

‘Hmmm. This is very intriguing. I am very tempted but sorry I cannot meet up without knowing all the facts. Why don’t you tell me what is it? Are you bisexual? Because if you are, that is fine with me. Or are really looking for a long term relationship and not sex?’

‘Well you are quite straightforward! No, it is none of those things. Why don’t you come on over and then I will tell you. You have a very soothing voice and I would really like to get to know you. You seem like a very good guy. It would be my loss if I do not get to meet you’ said Nishant with a sad voice.

Mukund could not help but feel sorry for him. He had never felt this kind of an emotion for anyone before. He always thought he was a practical guy who thought with his head and not his heart. However, right now, his head was abandoning him and his heart was taking over.

His mind kept sending warning signs but his heart would not listen.

‘I'm not sure why I am agreeing to this but ok, I'll come down to your house’ he said.

‘That's great!’ exclaimed Nishant.

Mukund could feel the excitement in Nishant's voice. Nishant gave directions to him to reach his house. Mukund promised he will be there in half an hour and hung up.

The address Nishant gave him was of an upscale apartment building. However, Mukund was still feeling uneasy about his decision. What if the guy turned out to be a cheater or worse, a blackmailer?

He decided it would be a good idea not to carry a lot of cash or his credit cards with him. He knew Nishant was almost as good looking as he was although he probably did not have a muscular body. He visualized Nishant’s cute face and for some reason it seemed very important for him to impress Nishant.

He decided to wear the new blue shirt he had bought last week for a small fortune. A great pair of trendy jeans and his chic shoes completed the outfit. He was proud to look at himself in the mirror. He had certainly outdone himself this time. The decision to buy this shirt was a good one. There was no way Nishant would not be impressed.

About 40 minutes later, he found himself ringing the bell on Nishant's door. When the door opened there was no mistaking it was the beautiful Nishant. Mukund could not help but stare at Nishant.

If anything, Nishant looked better than the picture on the website. Mukund could not believe his luck. It was a right decision to come here he thought to himself.

‘Hi, are you Abhinav?’ he asked with a smile.

He was not looking at Mukund directly. Mukund thought that perhaps he is a bit shy.

‘Yes. Sorry I am a bit late. I wanted to make sure I looked my best as a blind date’ he replied. Nishant face flushed red. Had he seen Mukund somewhere before today? The thought crossed Mukund’s mind.

Nishant just muttered ‘That's ok. I mm sure you look great all the time. Please come in.’

‘Before we talk about anything further, tell me about the thing that you were unwilling to tell me on the phone’ said Mukund with a smile.

‘Er…sure, I will tell you. We have plenty of time. Why don’t you have a seat first’ said Nishant with a nervous smile. Mukund thought that perhaps Nishant is nervous. He did have that kind of effect on men.

They both went inside and Mukund sat on the sofa without hesitation. He was already feeling at home happy with the thought that he would be able to handle Nishant just fine.

Nishant himself sat on the chair opposite to Mukund. He was still smiling nervously staring at the floor. Now Mukund knew for sure that Nishant was indeed very nervous.

‘Is this the first time you have invited someone to your house?’ he asked.

‘Well no. There have been a couple of guys here before. But your voice is the warmest.’ Mukund was taken aback by the frank admission but he inwardly pleased.

‘This will be easy’ he thought to himself.

‘So you had fun with them?’ he asked blatantly.

Nishant seemed to be thinking the question over.

‘No. They ran off abruptly’ he answered at last.

‘What? What do you mean?’ Mukund asked incredulously.

‘Lets just say I scared them away.’ laughed Nishant nervously again.

‘You don't look scary to me.’ said Mukund smiling.

‘Well, appearances can be deceiving’ Nishant said seriously.

‘Should I be worried about something’ Mukund asked.

‘Not really. I am harmless. More than you can imagine’ came the reply.

‘So tell me, what scared those guys away?’ he asked.

‘Never mind that. Tell me about yourself.’ Mukund knew Nishant to deliberately trying to change the subject. For some reason he did not want to make Nishant any nervous than he already was so he decided to go along.

Nishant was turning out to be so different. He had already made Mukund break so many of his rules. Mukund had been with many good-looking guys before. However, none of them had this kind of effect on him. Nishant had some kind of magnetism about him. His shy nervous smile appealed to Mukund. Now he was all the more determined to impress Nishant.

Mukund talked about his work. He talked his success. He talked about everything he could think of to impress Nishant. During all this Nishant kept staring at the floor while listening closely and adding enough comments to keep the conversation going. But as time passed they settled on to a warm and open discussion about everything. Nishant started losing his nervousness and started to talk freely. Mukund kept Nishant amused by a stream of interesting anecdotes and Nishant in turn came up with his own stories.

For a while, they were both completely lost in each other’s talk. Nishant had an almost child like enthusiasm about everything. He kept asking Mukund about his life, his gay friend circle, his love interests, what he did when he was with them, what kind of guys he liked etc. It was slightly surprising for Mukund because he was very sure Nishant could have any guy he wanted.

As the evening progressed, Mukund became more and more engrossed in Nishant. He was enjoying the conversation. He felt comfortable just sitting there and talking to this lovely guy with a cute smile. The thought of sex did not even cross his mind and that surprised him a bit. Nishant seemed knowledgeable about everything. They talked about a wide range of topics. Mukund tried to remember the last time he had spent such an interesting evening with a guy without having sex but he couldn't. This brought a smile on his face that just refused go away.

As was inevitable, Mukund realized it was getting late. Nishant had told him his parents were expected back soon. It was almost time for him to leave. He wanted to ask Nishant about thing that he was hiding from him earlier but for some reason he stopped himself from doing so.

For him now it did not matter all that much. There could never be anything so scary that he would run away from Nishant. He was happy to have found a new side of himself. He realized this was the thing missing from his life.

He had connected with Nishant so well. When he first came here, all he had in his mind was sex. He was drawn by the Nishant’s beauty and would have done anything to sleep with him. Now after spending an evening with him Mukund knew that he would not be satisfied with sex alone. He wanted something more. He was ready to wait. It did not matter to him how long it took but he was convinced that Nishant was the perfect guy for him.

Just yesterday, if someone had told him that he would fall for a guy like that he would have laughed at them. Now he was certainly not laughing. He knew that at last he had found his destiny. His heart had urged him to meet Nishant and now he was thanking his stars for taking that risk.

‘You are such a nice guy Nishant. I had a wonderful time with you. I want to meet you again’ he said as he prepared to leave.

‘I would very much like that Mukund. You are the first guy I have had such a frank and enjoyable conversation with. I certainly want to meet you again.’

‘Why have you not met any guys before today? Do you have very high expectations? What has held you back?’ he asked searching Nishant's eyes for clues.

Nishant's eyes did not give anything away. ‘Well, I have met a couple of guys but after they came to know the real me, they did not want anything to do with me. Most guys who call me after seeing my profile do not even meet me when I tell them on the phone about myself. I am quite used to it right from my childhood and but it still hurts’ he said sadly.

‘What is your reality? I certainly cannot think about anything that you do or are that would be horrible. It is impossible’ said Mukund.

‘Let me walk you down’ said Nishant as he stood up and walked towards the corner of the room. He picked up a walking stick from the corner. It was the kind of cane that blind people used.

‘I don't need this when I'm at home but cannot go around without it anywhere else’ said Nishant.

Mukund was stunned. How could he not realize it before? He had spent over an hour and a half with him. On hindsight, he realized that there were enough clues that he took for granted and realize now why Nishant was not looking at him when they were talking.

‘I'm so sorry Nishant. I did not realize that you were...er...that you cannot see’ he said sincerely.

‘It is alright. I have noticed many times that men with eyes do not necessarily see everything’ replied Nishant. Mukund was searching for any hint of sarcasm in Nishant’s voice but there was none.

‘Now you know my reality’ he continued. ‘As I said, there have been a couple of guys who I have met but the moment they realized I was blind they fled never to be seen again. Even I owe you an apology for not telling you before you came here. I did that because I was desperate. No one would meet me when I told them I am blind.’

Mukund stood there in silence not knowing what to say next. He saw all his dreams shattering around on the marble floor. How could he be friends with someone like Nishant? How can he dream of spending a lifetime together with a person who was blind? His mind was in turmoil. He could not make up his mind.

He certainly did not want any kind of complications in his perfect life. Surely there would be other guys who have a better potential? He would definitely find someone who was suitable for him. He was sure he would.

‘Do you still want to meet me again?’ asked Nishant.

His question was greeted by silence. Mukund did not know the answer.

‘I do not know’ he said honestly.

‘Well, at least you are an honest guy’ said Nishant smiling that nervous smile again. ‘I understand. Let me walk you outside the gate’

‘No-no, I'll see myself out. You don't have to take any trouble on my behalf’ said Mukund.

‘It’s no trouble. I am quite independent. I go out on my own many times. I know my way around here.’

They both walked out quietly down the stairs. Nishant was concentrating on the descent but his nervous smile had transformed to a sad resignation. He knew he would never hear from Mukund again.

‘This is it. You can take a rickshaw from that rickshaw stand on the corner up ahead’ said Nishant.

‘Thanks’ was all Mukund could manage. He looked backed as he walked towards the corner. Nishant was still standing near the gate lost in thought rubbing his cane. Tears had welled up in Mukund’s eyes as he climbed in the rickshaw.

He took out his phone and opened the phone book where he had stored Nishant's number. He moved his number from ‘Yet to meet’ to a new category. He named the new category “Soul Mate”.